FROM BETRAYAL TO EXCITEMENT
Talking To Parents About Retirement Homes
By Robin Kalmek
If you’ve never had “the talk” with your parents, you’re not alone. According to studies, nearly two-thirds of primary care givers have never had “the talk” – the discussion every child needs to have with their parents about where they should live when they get older, and what arrangements should be made in case they become frail or incapacitated.
Don’t expect your parents to bring up the subject themselves. Most parents don’t want to be a burden to their children, so when they get to the point in their lives when they need some help, they may not want to ask for it. After all, it’s not a pleasant thought to realize that their last years will be less than “golden.” Because of this, it’s probably a good idea to begin the discussion with them earlier rather than later, when they are still healthy, and not intimidated. Here are some valuable tips:
Stress the Positive Side
Various misconceptions have made seniors homes an unappealing destination for some elderly people. Try to change this by highlighting the positive aspects of assisted living. Underline the hassle-free everyday life, the social opportunities, the professional health care and the safe living environment.
Be Open to Home Care
If home care is impossible due to economic limitations, then your parent will understand. If you do have resources to care for your aging parent at home, then the option should be explored, especially if your loved one prefers it this way. Think of the situation from their perspective, and keep an open mind in order to help your loved one in the best way possible.
Visit Potential Seniors Homes
You can't blame your parent for thinking that seniors homes resemble mental institutions or clinical hospitals. Blame old movies, and previous methods of housing the aged. You can easily solve this problem by arranging a visit to potential seniors homes, exploring the facilities to see whether it appeals to your parent.
Be Honest
Remain truthful from the first mention of the subject, until the end. Don't try to hide your feelings and concerns, and be open about any possible drawbacks of assisted living. If your loved one feels that they are being lied to, the conversation will have a negative outcome.
Don't Gang Up
Often, seniors feel intimidated and unprotected during the assisted living discussions because family members seem to be ganging up against them. Let your aging parent know that the matter will be decided upon collectively. Discuss your concerns, make a pros and cons list, listen to what your loved one has to say, and make sure the decision is made by the whole family.
Acknowledge their Loss
Bear in mind your parent will potentially be losing their home. Acknowledge their sadness, and the challenge of having to give up a home filled with memories. Give your loved one enough time to adjust to this big change, so they can move on with dignity.
Get Support
If the option of assisted living becomes too much for your aging parent, then perhaps you need to seek professional help. Get your loved one to see a counselor, or join a support group and discuss the problem.
Don't Push
The conversation needs to remain friendly and relaxing at all times. Don't attempt to rush or push an outcome, even when there is an immediate need to enter a facility.
Retirement homes are certainly not for everyone, and your loved ones may not want any part of them. But it’s helpful to have good information in hand, so that everyone is on the same page when it’s time to make a decision.
